Anywhere, Anytime

I needed the contact of another human being. I needed a hug. I wanted to be held. I felt down and heavy with a throbbing headache that reached my eyes. All I wanted was to go back to my apartment, close the blinds, and roll myself into my blankets and just be there for a while.

But I could do none of that – I didn’t have the time. Not even enough time to ease the headache that was nearing on to a full blown migraine. I dropped my father off back at home having just gone to my Grandmother’s for our weekly trip. Sundays we went over to have breakfast with her, one of the days out of the week that I really enjoyed myself. But today was quite the opposite. Waking up with a head ache really killed the vibe… But then, so did the depression that hung over my shoulders like boulders. Now I was on my way to work.

I needed human contact, but interaction was a whole different matter. I didn’t want to talk. I certainly didn’t want to be around a crowd of talking people. All day long, one person after another, my headache worsened as well as my mood. I was ready to break down and cry. This was just a really stupid day. Why did I feel like this today?

The shift dragged by slowly. It got worse with every irritable customer. Somehow or another, I made it through. Finally, my shift was over. Why did it seem like my coworkers were relieved to see me go? My shoulders hunched over just a bit. I hustled my way out of the building, got into my truck, and then realized I was trying to fly back to an empty apartment. The first few tears broke free easily then. I hadn’t thought the boulders on my shoulders could weigh any more, but they did. I took a deep breath, shifted the gears into Drive, and drove a granny’s pace back to my place, dreading every second closer the tires took me.

When I got there, I immediately flew to the bathroom and immediately stripped, taking a long shower to prolong the moment of going to bed to cry. It was inevitable. I felt so down, so blue, all for no apparent reason… I didn’t know how else to… let this feeling go. How do you make yourself cheer up when you don’t have the strength to even stand for long? I shook my head to dispel the down spiraling thoughts and grabbed a towel. I took my time drying my hair after the steamy shower. I braided my hair and wrapped the damp towel around my body. It was time to face the hollowness of the apartment. I dragged my feet  to my bedroom and, once in, went to my closet, keeping the lights off; I knew where everything was, so I didn’t need to see. I dressed into a big, baggy shirt and then proceeded to climb up into my bed so that I could make myself into a human burrito with my blankets.

I ran into a hard lump the moment I tried to climb up. “Wha--?”

The lump moved and I found that it was rather large, covering nearly my whole bed’s length. I sat up in alarm. Who was in my apartment – in my bed?! “Mm…” Up to the top of my bed where my pillows were, arms reached up to stretch. “Mm?” Slowly, the lump rose up a little and a man looked back at me with some major bed hair. The moonlight that came in glimpses through the window gave me a slight clue as to who it was. I gasped quietly.
He was here again.

“You’re back,” he murmured sleepily. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

Waiting for – “Me?” I whispered, half smiling, half stifling the urge to laugh in exasperation… maybe a little bit of desperation. Tears burned my eyes. The day was catching up to me, though the pain in my head was dulled at this point. But the feelings of doom and gloom from this morning returned. So, unlike the first time he was here, I didn’t hesitate to duck under the blankets to crawl up to lie besides him. He was waiting, having already lied back down himself. He pulled me on top of his chest, let me curl up to get comfortable, and he wrapped his arms around me.

“Yeah you,” he whispered, pressing the side of his head to mine as he hugged me close to him. “Who else? Now, you’ve had a long day, Honey.” He kissed my forehead. I couldn’t help it, my smile grew soft and my heart melted. I snuggled closer to him and closed my eyes. “Go to sleep…”

“Okay.” I listened to his heart beat for a long while. I fell asleep in his arms, safe and sound.