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The Nightlife Series
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I needed the contact of another human being. I needed a hug. I wanted to be held. I felt down and heavy with a throbbing headache that reached my eyes. All I wanted was to go back to my apartment, close the blinds, and roll myself into my blankets and just be there for a while.

But I could do none of that – I didn’t have the time. Not even enough time to ease the headache that was nearing on to a full blown migraine. I dropped my father off back at home having just gone to my Grandmother’s for our weekly trip. Sundays we went over to have breakfast with her, one of the days out of the week that I really enjoyed myself. But today was quite the opposite. Waking up with a head ache really killed the vibe… But then, so did the depression that hung over my shoulders like boulders. Now I was on my way to work.

I needed human contact, but interaction was a whole different matter. I didn’t want to talk. I certainly didn’t want to be around a crowd of talking people. All day long, one person after another, my headache worsened as well as my mood. I was ready to break down and cry. This was just a really stupid day. Why did I feel like this today?

The shift dragged by slowly. It got worse with every irritable customer. Somehow or another, I made it through. Finally, my shift was over. Why did it seem like my coworkers were relieved to see me go? My shoulders hunched over just a bit. I hustled my way out of the building, got into my truck, and then realized I was trying to fly back to an empty apartment. The first few tears broke free easily then. I hadn’t thought the boulders on my shoulders could weigh any more, but they did. I took a deep breath, shifted the gears into Drive, and drove a granny’s pace back to my place, dreading every second closer the tires took me.

When I got there, I immediately flew to the bathroom and immediately stripped, taking a long shower to prolong the moment of going to bed to cry. It was inevitable. I felt so down, so blue, all for no apparent reason… I didn’t know how else to… let this feeling go. How do you make yourself cheer up when you don’t have the strength to even stand for long? I shook my head to dispel the down spiraling thoughts and grabbed a towel. I took my time drying my hair after the steamy shower. I braided my hair and wrapped the damp towel around my body. It was time to face the hollowness of the apartment. I dragged my feet  to my bedroom and, once in, went to my closet, keeping the lights off; I knew where everything was, so I didn’t need to see. I dressed into a big, baggy shirt and then proceeded to climb up into my bed so that I could make myself into a human burrito with my blankets.

I ran into a hard lump the moment I tried to climb up. “Wha--?”

The lump moved and I found that it was rather large, covering nearly my whole bed’s length. I sat up in alarm. Who was in my apartment – in my bed?! “Mm…” Up to the top of my bed where my pillows were, arms reached up to stretch. “Mm?” Slowly, the lump rose up a little and a man looked back at me with some major bed hair. The moonlight that came in glimpses through the window gave me a slight clue as to who it was. I gasped quietly.
He was here again.

“You’re back,” he murmured sleepily. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

Waiting for – “Me?” I whispered, half smiling, half stifling the urge to laugh in exasperation… maybe a little bit of desperation. Tears burned my eyes. The day was catching up to me, though the pain in my head was dulled at this point. But the feelings of doom and gloom from this morning returned. So, unlike the first time he was here, I didn’t hesitate to duck under the blankets to crawl up to lie besides him. He was waiting, having already lied back down himself. He pulled me on top of his chest, let me curl up to get comfortable, and he wrapped his arms around me.

“Yeah you,” he whispered, pressing the side of his head to mine as he hugged me close to him. “Who else? Now, you’ve had a long day, Honey.” He kissed my forehead. I couldn’t help it, my smile grew soft and my heart melted. I snuggled closer to him and closed my eyes. “Go to sleep…”

“Okay.” I listened to his heart beat for a long while. I fell asleep in his arms, safe and sound.
Exhaustion hit me like a freight train after the party that never happened. I’d invited a handful of people to my Taco Tuesday… and no one showed. So the huge amount of left overs was tucked away in containers and into the fridge and the dishes used whilst cooking… I couldn’t be bothered by them. I left them exactly where they had been left – here, there, all around the counters and in the sink – and I carefully treaded to my room. It was barely past seven-thirty p.m, but I couldn’t take it any longer. I was upset with myself for hoping too much for a nice get together with people I wanted to talk to, who’d become part of my life, if ever so slight. My heart was heavy, my head hurt with the pulsing negativity, and everything just seemed like too much for me to bear at the moment. This wasn’t the first time it happened.

So I went to bed. I hid myself under the covers. And time crept by slowly.

I eventually fell asleep. I woke around one in the morning for a glass of water, not quite awake enough to remember that my heart was stupidly hurting, and I fell back in bed, immediately dozing off once more. I dreamt of total nonsense like I did every night. It was bright and colorful, but none was remembered when I woke up later in the morning. I didn’t open my eyes for the longest time, afraid to throw myself back into reality. Why did it hurt so much? I cared, I cared too much. With that thought, the negativity roared in my head and in my chest and I tried to hide my face in my pillow, urging myself to fall back asleep.

Sleep never came. I knew when to call it quits. I rolled over and crept my hand out from beneath the covers in search of my phone. I looked at the time glaring back at me from the screen and had to bite back a sigh. It was nearing eight-fifteen in the morning. Had I honestly been in bed for over twelve hours? What a complete waste. But even that thought didn’t seem to deter me. Even so that it was a waste, I didn’t want to get up. I didn’t want to be productive. It didn’t matter anyways, right? After last night, it didn’t seem like anyone cared. Shit, if I were to slit my wrists right now (which was such a drastic thing, not to be taken lightly, but perhaps that was the point?), no one would even notice. Not for quite some time, and by that point, I would be cold as stone. I would be dead.

Unintentionally, tears burned my eyes. What a stupid notion, me offing myself. I couldn’t ever do something so impossible. I was cowardly like that. I was stupid. Loneliness was better than nothing at all. Being dead would be nothing for me. I would cease to exist and then where would I be? Not feeling anything…

But would that then be a better choice..?

“You bet your ass it wouldn’t.”

My head popped up and I looked around towards the door, my eyes impossibly wide. That voice – it couldn’t be. Could I be so lucky-?

But it was him, it was my character. He was there, standing in the doorway of my room. When had he appeared? Why? Hadn’t I been that lucky only so few nights ago?

The man, my fictional character, uncrossed his arms from his chest and he straightened from leaning against the doorway. He walked the short distance from there to my bed and he reached over to pet my hair out of my face. “Sweet, stop hurting yourself,” He whispered as his hand trailed down till his fingers could stroke my cheek. He then proceeded to get in bed with me. I was awkward about it, scooting back to give him space, yet he grabbed my waist and pulled me back and we settled into a comfortable embrace. My cheek was pressed up to his chest, my ear right up to his beating heart. He was warm. I closed my eyes and smiled slightly.  I had missed this.

“You’re back,” I whispered. The tears from before burned my eyes once more but for a completely different reason.

“I am,” He whispered in return, talking against the top of my head. I smiled. My heart warmed. No one came to my stupid get together, none at all… But my day didn’t end with my being lonely after all.

“Thank you.” I don’t remember if I said that to him last time he was here. But I was terribly grateful then, and I sure was now and I needed him to know that. Still, I couldn’t believe my lucky stars that he was right here, in my bed. Was I deserving of his company? I didn’t know…  It didn’t feel like it. But like heck was I going to complain!

He chuckled softly as if he read my thoughts. His hands tightened on my clothes as he squeezed my body in a hug. When he relaxed, he pecked my head with his lips and then slowly let go. I made a noise in protest and tried to cling to him, but he was firm as he got off the bed. I looked up at him, afraid I’d done something wrong. He just got here… Was he going to leave already?

The look in his eyes told me otherwise. Before I could bat an eye, he grabbed the edge of my mattress – and flipped it up. I went flying the other way, right off of my bed. My pillows and blankets were dumped on top of me. I squawked in surprise and popped out from beneath to look up at him. He folded his arms against his chest, smirking in triumph. “Rise and shine!” He exclaimed a little too brightly. He went to the window and yanked the cord, raising the blinds and letting the sun blind me. “Up and at ‘em, girl!”

“I don’t want to!” I complained before grabbing the edge of one of my blankets, hiding my head beneath it. My depression from earlier made me feel heavy; my legs were like lead and my arms rubbery. I didn’t want to move whatsoever.

“Too bad, so sad. You’re making me breakfast,” I heard him state. The blanket was ripped from my hands and my wrists were grabbed. I was pulled up despite my struggling and dragged out of my room out to the rest of the apartment. The blinds in the next two, main rooms had been raised – had he done that? The man could move. I could only groan in aggravation. The sun was too bright. Why was he doing this to meeeeee? “Get cooking, woman!” His voice was full of teasing, but joking he was not. A box of pancake mix was shoved into one hand and a mixing bowl and whisk into the other. I looked at him with a squinted look. He looked far too pleased with himself. Everything was ‘too’ much today. I moved towards the counter and placed the things from my hands down…… and then made a mad dash for my room. The man grabbed me around the middle as I passed him. My feet went flying up in the air as I squeaked – literally squeaked – and he laughed merrily.

“You’re not going anywhere, missy,” He playfully growled in my ear. I sulked as he placed me back on me feet. I knew I wouldn’t get far by trying to run again, so I pouted at him and slowly made my way back to the counter. I glared down at the things he’d given me. I didn’t want to cook.

But eventually, I did. The tall man came up behind me, surprising the hell out of me when he grabbed my hands to assist me in each step, and we made all of the food together. It was… nice. Refreshing. When was the last time I cooked with someone else? Someone who wanted to be in my company? I had to squash those feelings down. I couldn’t let myself be depressed when he was here. Together, we made him his pancakes, though some of the dough never made it to the pan. We had flour in our hair, on his nose, and on my ass where he slapped it in ‘good game’. Whatever the hell that meant. I was smiling throughout it all. Then we also made bacon and eggs, and coffee because apparently he was a coffee man. I liked it, but I didn’t drink it every day.

Cooking together really made me happy. I enjoyed his company and we enjoyed the food we made together. I smiled down into my coffee mug at the table as the man took a big bite from his pancakes. This.. This made up for yesterday, and then some. I could live with this.
Things Get Better
I don't know why this depression makes me feel so desperate. But writing it out makes me feel a whole lot better. :) I think writing is the key to getting over it, so that's exactly what I'm gonna do. ^^
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For the night, my character was alive and whole. I was feeling unbearably lonely and I needed someone to hug me. So when he shimmered into existence, I felt myself tear up. His eyes were kind, his smile warm. He held his arms out for me with a knowing look. I let out a little sob both out of relief and desperation, then I tossed my notebook onto the coffee table, carefully got up from my recliner, and walked to him, terrified that he would disappear if I were to move too suddenly. But he didn’t.

I walked up to where he sat on the sofa and I gave him a ‘are you sure’ sort of look. He raised a brow in slight exasperation and waved me closer. As slow as a snail, I climbed up onto his lap to straddle his legs. I felt small when he wrapped his strong arms around me, enveloping me in a warmth I hadn’t been expecting. He kissed the side of my head, kissed my cheek, and then held me closer in a hug that reassured me I wasn’t alone. He was right there with me and, for once, I didn’t feel that icy bitterness that was carved into my heart when I was here at my apartment.

“I’m here, you’re not alone.” It was said to me in a soft whisper, though fierce as it was. So sincere, so honest. I wasn’t alone this time… I wasn’t alone. My walls shattered then and I let a near hysterical sob burst from me. I buried my face against his neck, curling inward onto myself, and allowed him to move me so that I was cradled against his chest. My arms were folded between our chests and his wrapped securely around me. He made quiet shushing noises as he gently rocked me, his fingers rubbing soothing little circles against my back and side where they resided.

“You’re fine, sweetheart,” He whispered. “You’re not alone. Not this time. Not ever.” At least for the night, this night. I was going to soak it up as much as I could. I wasn’t alone.
I'm in my favorite jammies with my oh so huge shirt and comfy lounging pants,
my hair in a messy bun thing,
and my favorite mug full of steaming coffee in my hands.
I'm sitting on my couch that doesn't want to let me go,
watching a beautiful movie on my laptop,
and enjoying the setting sun streaming through my window.

There isn't a day that goes by that I want anything more than this,
This feeling of peace, this feeling of fullfillment.
I've got everything fate has decided I needed and I'm grateful;
I've my own place, my precious two kitties, and, most importantly..

I've still the mornings where I wake up every day.

I'm alive, I'm breathing, I have the free will to feel, say, and do as I please.
There's nothing in this world that can make me any happier than I am right now.
Thank You
Well! When was the last time I posted anything? haha! I've got my ups and I have many downs right now. But at this particular moment, this very second, I'm happy. :)
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I've been having a bad few days... The day before last,  my truck wouldn't start.. So we had a towing service move my truck to my parents house so my brother and neighbor could work on it.. That night, afetr I got off, my dad and mom came to pick me up. Well,  I hadn't even reached their car yet when I realized my dad was trying to start it... But.. it was dead. I had to call my other brother to come jump us. Their battery was no good, so we had to buy a new one... Well, Paul and Markie got my truck to start. But when Paul was trying to leave, Markie came up to us and.. his car wasn't starting. Mom said I was cursed. Jordan, guy I'm currently interested in said I was a 'daemon' and to remind him not to let me in his car. They were both only kidding... but I feel like a horrible human being now. And then when I was going back to my apartment last night,  I got on the highway and found out if I tried to go over 60 (70 is the speed limit), the engine would shake the entire truck real bad. It was scary. Shit shouldn't be happening like that at night and least of all on the HW.

Well.. Today was just as bad, if not worse.
The morning started out fine. Got up in time, got to cuddle with my two fur babies, and even made some bacon and eggs for breakfast. My shift at work was only 10-4, a 6 hour day. Which is not bad at all. I love short days like that. But I forgot that it was a Friday and I was working in the booth. At Randalls, Fridays are our most busiest days because it's the day of all our specials. As for the booth,  I'm still in the workings of being trained. And so far I dislike it. I know it'll get real easy once I have it all down and know how to take care of the customers' problems. But, gods.. Today was horrible..

A lot of customers were bitchy, despite how sunshiney it was outside. Like, normally, everyone would be happy for some warmth after some cold days. But,  no,  a lot of people were unhappy. Made things even worse due to the store being crazy busy. At  the customer service booth,  we had a line at every corner. People were standing in line for quite a while, and the longer they waited, the crabbier they got. I'm new to this, so I'm slow. Some of them didn't care, they were angry no matter what.

Then I lost the key to my till. Which is a huge deal. I had myself, my manager, the grocery manager, my assistant store directer, and then even my store directer looking for that damned key. I was so damn flustered and frustrated and stressed. How could I have lost it? I couldn't remember where I might have left it, we looked EVERY WHERE. They had to break out the extra key, but... it was a really big deal. Someone finally found it on one of the bag racks on one of the registers -- practically in plain sight. Gods, a ton was lifted off my chest. It was a huge relief.

Later that day, things were still going kind of chaotic and I kept forgetting the codes and the procedures for the back. My coworker was a bit frustrated with me. I'm slow, it sucks, I'm sorry.. Well, I don't really feel like(or think I can really) get into specifics. Point blank,  I got the tip of my finger on my dominant hand slammed in the safe door. Fucking hurt like hell. Still does. It wasted a ton of time because my assistant store director caught wind of it and he had to file an incident report. fucking sucks..

Right now,  the tip of my finger is swollen like a little ball ad a quarter of the nail is black and purple. Freakin' hurts.

Yet.. I dunno. It doesn't feel like this is really even the worse, like the worse has yet to come. ugh. Everything sucks right now..
I've been having a bad few days... The day before last,  my truck wouldn't start.. So we had a towing service move my truck to my parents house so my brother and neighbor could work on it.. That night, afetr I got off, my dad and mom came to pick me up. Well,  I hadn't even reached their car yet when I realized my dad was trying to start it... But.. it was dead. I had to call my other brother to come jump us. Their battery was no good, so we had to buy a new one... Well, Paul and Markie got my truck to start. But when Paul was trying to leave, Markie came up to us and.. his car wasn't starting. Mom said I was cursed. Jordan, guy I'm currently interested in said I was a 'daemon' and to remind him not to let me in his car. They were both only kidding... but I feel like a horrible human being now. And then when I was going back to my apartment last night,  I got on the highway and found out if I tried to go over 60 (70 is the speed limit), the engine would shake the entire truck real bad. It was scary. Shit shouldn't be happening like that at night and least of all on the HW.

Well.. Today was just as bad, if not worse.
The morning started out fine. Got up in time, got to cuddle with my two fur babies, and even made some bacon and eggs for breakfast. My shift at work was only 10-4, a 6 hour day. Which is not bad at all. I love short days like that. But I forgot that it was a Friday and I was working in the booth. At Randalls, Fridays are our most busiest days because it's the day of all our specials. As for the booth,  I'm still in the workings of being trained. And so far I dislike it. I know it'll get real easy once I have it all down and know how to take care of the customers' problems. But, gods.. Today was horrible..

A lot of customers were bitchy, despite how sunshiney it was outside. Like, normally, everyone would be happy for some warmth after some cold days. But,  no,  a lot of people were unhappy. Made things even worse due to the store being crazy busy. At  the customer service booth,  we had a line at every corner. People were standing in line for quite a while, and the longer they waited, the crabbier they got. I'm new to this, so I'm slow. Some of them didn't care, they were angry no matter what.

Then I lost the key to my till. Which is a huge deal. I had myself, my manager, the grocery manager, my assistant store directer, and then even my store directer looking for that damned key. I was so damn flustered and frustrated and stressed. How could I have lost it? I couldn't remember where I might have left it, we looked EVERY WHERE. They had to break out the extra key, but... it was a really big deal. Someone finally found it on one of the bag racks on one of the registers -- practically in plain sight. Gods, a ton was lifted off my chest. It was a huge relief.

Later that day, things were still going kind of chaotic and I kept forgetting the codes and the procedures for the back. My coworker was a bit frustrated with me. I'm slow, it sucks, I'm sorry.. Well, I don't really feel like(or think I can really) get into specifics. Point blank,  I got the tip of my finger on my dominant hand slammed in the safe door. Fucking hurt like hell. Still does. It wasted a ton of time because my assistant store director caught wind of it and he had to file an incident report. fucking sucks..

Right now,  the tip of my finger is swollen like a little ball ad a quarter of the nail is black and purple. Freakin' hurts.

Yet.. I dunno. It doesn't feel like this is really even the worse, like the worse has yet to come. ugh. Everything sucks right now..

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Makona-Duke's Profile Picture
Makona-Duke
Jen
Artist | Student | Varied
United States
I'm a sideways kinda person! :]

Find me on Skype!! :D!! jen.duke4

I liiike, loooove, adooooore yaoi; writing it, reading it, but maybe not watching it - I feel embarrassed because, well...... The sex noises. omg the sex noises are so awkward and embarrassing. xD!!

I like to read and cook, and - - S.H.O.P.P.I.N.G. Good lord I love to shop. I've just recently been kicked out of my tomboy phase (though I still refuse to wear makeup) and I've been spending so much money on shoes and clothes and - soon - I'll be buying me some lolita dresses. *^*!! MWA HAHAHAHAHAH

I'm pretty open-minded and, hopefully, I'm easy to get along with. I'm lazy, I love to procrastinate, and a lot of time there's gotta be an incentive for me to do shit. (And I curse a lot, oops hehe X3)
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:iconfrostedstorm-24:
FrostedStorm-24 Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2015
:D THANK YOU FOR THE FAVE.! ^^ :hug: That really means a lot y'know??
Reply
:iconkehxkeova:
KehXKeova Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
Thanks for the fave, again, hun.
I know you usually comment on my work, so I'm hoping everything is okay. :worry:
You seem as if you've been depressed as of late. =(
Reply
:iconartluvr103:
artluvr103 Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
thank you for the watch! :D 
Reply
:iconmakona-duke:
Makona-Duke Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2015  Student General Artist
You're welcome! :D
Reply
:iconjuuria66:
Juuria66 Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
sta.sh/05uuz9ifvu8

Is that good? XD If not let me know and I'll do a regular style one with proper details and such...
Reply
:iconmakona-duke:
Makona-Duke Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2014  Student General Artist
That's perfect! :D

Is his bracelet a cross? Just checking to make sure. xDD

Thank you!
Reply
:iconjuuria66:
Juuria66 Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Yes, he always wears a bracelet made of small wooden beads, and a little silver cross/crucifix whatever you wish to call it. xD
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:iconmakona-duke:
Makona-Duke Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2014  Student General Artist
It sounded like you were going into story mode there for a moment! haha  Alrighty, thanks! :D
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(1 Reply)
:iconsuixere:
Suixere Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2014
Thank you so much for the fave!! ;;7; :iconlovelyhugplz:
Reply
:iconmakona-duke:
Makona-Duke Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2014  Student General Artist
You're welcome ;D
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