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About Varied / Student Member JenFemale/United States Groups :iconcal-leandros-fanclub: Cal-Leandros-Fanclub
The Nightlife Series
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I'm in my favorite jammies with my oh so huge shirt and comfy lounging pants,
my hair in a messy bun thing,
and my favorite mug full of steaming coffee in my hands.
I'm sitting on my couch that doesn't want to let me go,
watching a beautiful movie on my laptop,
and enjoying the setting sun streaming through my window.

There isn't a day that goes by that I want anything more than this,
This feeling of peace, this feeling of fullfillment.
I've got everything fate has decided I needed and I'm grateful;
I've my own place, my precious two kitties, and, most importantly..

I've still the mornings where I wake up every day.

I'm alive, I'm breathing, I have the free will to feel, say, and do as I please.
There's nothing in this world that can make me any happier than I am right now.
Thank You
Well! When was the last time I posted anything? haha! I've got my ups and I have many downs right now. But at this particular moment, this very second, I'm happy. :)
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I've been having a bad few days... The day before last,  my truck wouldn't start.. So we had a towing service move my truck to my parents house so my brother and neighbor could work on it.. That night, afetr I got off, my dad and mom came to pick me up. Well,  I hadn't even reached their car yet when I realized my dad was trying to start it... But.. it was dead. I had to call my other brother to come jump us. Their battery was no good, so we had to buy a new one... Well, Paul and Markie got my truck to start. But when Paul was trying to leave, Markie came up to us and.. his car wasn't starting. Mom said I was cursed. Jordan, guy I'm currently interested in said I was a 'daemon' and to remind him not to let me in his car. They were both only kidding... but I feel like a horrible human being now. And then when I was going back to my apartment last night,  I got on the highway and found out if I tried to go over 60 (70 is the speed limit), the engine would shake the entire truck real bad. It was scary. Shit shouldn't be happening like that at night and least of all on the HW.

Well.. Today was just as bad, if not worse.
The morning started out fine. Got up in time, got to cuddle with my two fur babies, and even made some bacon and eggs for breakfast. My shift at work was only 10-4, a 6 hour day. Which is not bad at all. I love short days like that. But I forgot that it was a Friday and I was working in the booth. At Randalls, Fridays are our most busiest days because it's the day of all our specials. As for the booth,  I'm still in the workings of being trained. And so far I dislike it. I know it'll get real easy once I have it all down and know how to take care of the customers' problems. But, gods.. Today was horrible..

A lot of customers were bitchy, despite how sunshiney it was outside. Like, normally, everyone would be happy for some warmth after some cold days. But,  no,  a lot of people were unhappy. Made things even worse due to the store being crazy busy. At  the customer service booth,  we had a line at every corner. People were standing in line for quite a while, and the longer they waited, the crabbier they got. I'm new to this, so I'm slow. Some of them didn't care, they were angry no matter what.

Then I lost the key to my till. Which is a huge deal. I had myself, my manager, the grocery manager, my assistant store directer, and then even my store directer looking for that damned key. I was so damn flustered and frustrated and stressed. How could I have lost it? I couldn't remember where I might have left it, we looked EVERY WHERE. They had to break out the extra key, but... it was a really big deal. Someone finally found it on one of the bag racks on one of the registers -- practically in plain sight. Gods, a ton was lifted off my chest. It was a huge relief.

Later that day, things were still going kind of chaotic and I kept forgetting the codes and the procedures for the back. My coworker was a bit frustrated with me. I'm slow, it sucks, I'm sorry.. Well, I don't really feel like(or think I can really) get into specifics. Point blank,  I got the tip of my finger on my dominant hand slammed in the safe door. Fucking hurt like hell. Still does. It wasted a ton of time because my assistant store director caught wind of it and he had to file an incident report. fucking sucks..

Right now,  the tip of my finger is swollen like a little ball ad a quarter of the nail is black and purple. Freakin' hurts.

Yet.. I dunno. It doesn't feel like this is really even the worse, like the worse has yet to come. ugh. Everything sucks right now..
Annoying people are annoying. Yes, my truck is in the drive way. Yes, it is dead. No, you can not park behind it. Yes, it will be worked on. Yes, there is other freaking spaces on the street you can park. No, my truck is NOT going to be there forever, so NO you cannot in turn squeal at me like a little pig just because I'm in your damn spot. My TRUCK is NOT going to be there FOREVER and NO longer than a few days MAX. Yes, you can shut the hell up now. -.-

My older sister is an annoying creature.
I'm such a weirdo when it comes to commissions.. Like... Artists are always saying their commissions are open and I hop on it... But.. like.. I don't know how to say what I want? How do you say something nicely without sounding demanding and/or needy or some shit like that? Like... HOW DO I TALK TO AN ARTIST?! ARRRRGGHHHHHHHH I FEEL SO WEIRD ABOUT IT. UGH
What's fucking hilarious to me, is that I'm one of those people who will get up in the dead of night to go to a friend's house to kill a bug for them - or find a way to get rid of it - that they found in their room, or go pick them up because they're too high and drunk to even form a coherent sentence. But when I'm lonely and in need of someone... I have no one I can go to... Sure, I hear the same words over and over again "You can come to me" "I've got your back" "You're welcome at my place anytime"...But they're just words spoken to fill in space. People don't mean it. I've come to realize this all too late. When I go to them, they find excuses as to why they can't lend thirty minutes of their time with me... Maybe what they're telling me is the truth? I don't know. But it happens so often, that they can't find time for me, that I just... don't know what to think anymore..

When I'm sad and depressed - which is almost all the time now - people see it as I'm mad and pissed, so they stay away, which is the opposite of what I want. And I don't know how to talk to someone, to say that I need help or that I'm lonely and I want their companionship. Mostly because I just can't get over the whole "I don't want to burden them with my problems" thing. I've always thought that. That... my just being here, existing, is a burden to someone. My life has never mattered and I completely understand that and I bow my head in resignation to that fact. I still don't know what I'm going to do about it, but knowing it is enough for now. I'll figure it out, some way, somehow, and someday. But, why is it that I can't seem to find a single person to have the level of.. I don't know. Why can't I find someone who will be as loyal as I can be and be patient with me? Who'll be my friend and their trust won't waver? Where can I find someone who can actually read me, and see that I'm hurting and I need a hug and a kiss to the head and the words 'It's going to be oka'?

It's just so damn funny. Because there are people out there with worse situations than me and all I can say is that.. I'm lonely...


I'm just all over the place, aren't I? hahahaha I need to get over myself!
I've been having a bad few days... The day before last,  my truck wouldn't start.. So we had a towing service move my truck to my parents house so my brother and neighbor could work on it.. That night, afetr I got off, my dad and mom came to pick me up. Well,  I hadn't even reached their car yet when I realized my dad was trying to start it... But.. it was dead. I had to call my other brother to come jump us. Their battery was no good, so we had to buy a new one... Well, Paul and Markie got my truck to start. But when Paul was trying to leave, Markie came up to us and.. his car wasn't starting. Mom said I was cursed. Jordan, guy I'm currently interested in said I was a 'daemon' and to remind him not to let me in his car. They were both only kidding... but I feel like a horrible human being now. And then when I was going back to my apartment last night,  I got on the highway and found out if I tried to go over 60 (70 is the speed limit), the engine would shake the entire truck real bad. It was scary. Shit shouldn't be happening like that at night and least of all on the HW.

Well.. Today was just as bad, if not worse.
The morning started out fine. Got up in time, got to cuddle with my two fur babies, and even made some bacon and eggs for breakfast. My shift at work was only 10-4, a 6 hour day. Which is not bad at all. I love short days like that. But I forgot that it was a Friday and I was working in the booth. At Randalls, Fridays are our most busiest days because it's the day of all our specials. As for the booth,  I'm still in the workings of being trained. And so far I dislike it. I know it'll get real easy once I have it all down and know how to take care of the customers' problems. But, gods.. Today was horrible..

A lot of customers were bitchy, despite how sunshiney it was outside. Like, normally, everyone would be happy for some warmth after some cold days. But,  no,  a lot of people were unhappy. Made things even worse due to the store being crazy busy. At  the customer service booth,  we had a line at every corner. People were standing in line for quite a while, and the longer they waited, the crabbier they got. I'm new to this, so I'm slow. Some of them didn't care, they were angry no matter what.

Then I lost the key to my till. Which is a huge deal. I had myself, my manager, the grocery manager, my assistant store directer, and then even my store directer looking for that damned key. I was so damn flustered and frustrated and stressed. How could I have lost it? I couldn't remember where I might have left it, we looked EVERY WHERE. They had to break out the extra key, but... it was a really big deal. Someone finally found it on one of the bag racks on one of the registers -- practically in plain sight. Gods, a ton was lifted off my chest. It was a huge relief.

Later that day, things were still going kind of chaotic and I kept forgetting the codes and the procedures for the back. My coworker was a bit frustrated with me. I'm slow, it sucks, I'm sorry.. Well, I don't really feel like(or think I can really) get into specifics. Point blank,  I got the tip of my finger on my dominant hand slammed in the safe door. Fucking hurt like hell. Still does. It wasted a ton of time because my assistant store director caught wind of it and he had to file an incident report. fucking sucks..

Right now,  the tip of my finger is swollen like a little ball ad a quarter of the nail is black and purple. Freakin' hurts.

Yet.. I dunno. It doesn't feel like this is really even the worse, like the worse has yet to come. ugh. Everything sucks right now..

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Makona-Duke's Profile Picture
Makona-Duke
Jen
Artist | Student | Varied
United States
I'm a sideways kinda person! :]

Find me on Skype!! :D!! jen.duke4

I liiike, loooove, adooooore yaoi; writing it, reading it, but maybe not watching it - I feel embarrassed because, well...... The sex noises. omg the sex noises are so awkward and embarrassing. xD!!

I like to read and cook, and - - S.H.O.P.P.I.N.G. Good lord I love to shop. I've just recently been kicked out of my tomboy phase (though I still refuse to wear makeup) and I've been spending so much money on shoes and clothes and - soon - I'll be buying me some lolita dresses. *^*!! MWA HAHAHAHAHAH

I'm pretty open-minded and, hopefully, I'm easy to get along with. I'm lazy, I love to procrastinate, and a lot of time there's gotta be an incentive for me to do shit. (And I curse a lot, oops hehe X3)
Interests

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Comments


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:iconartluvr103:
artluvr103 Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
thank you for the watch! :D 
Reply
:iconmakona-duke:
Makona-Duke Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2015  Student General Artist
You're welcome! :D
Reply
:iconjuuria66:
Juuria66 Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
sta.sh/05uuz9ifvu8

Is that good? XD If not let me know and I'll do a regular style one with proper details and such...
Reply
:iconmakona-duke:
Makona-Duke Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2014  Student General Artist
That's perfect! :D

Is his bracelet a cross? Just checking to make sure. xDD

Thank you!
Reply
:iconjuuria66:
Juuria66 Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Yes, he always wears a bracelet made of small wooden beads, and a little silver cross/crucifix whatever you wish to call it. xD
Reply
:iconmakona-duke:
Makona-Duke Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2014  Student General Artist
It sounded like you were going into story mode there for a moment! haha  Alrighty, thanks! :D
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconsuixere:
Suixere Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2014
Thank you so much for the fave!! ;;7; :iconlovelyhugplz:
Reply
:iconmakona-duke:
Makona-Duke Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2014  Student General Artist
You're welcome ;D
Reply
:iconritabp:
RitaBP Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2014   Traditional Artist
Thank you very much for the fav!)
Reply
:iconanixkas3795:
Anixkas3795 Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2014
thanks for the fav~~
Reply
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